You’ve had it.
You cannot go ONE MORE DAY with things as they are.

Things like silence, lies, disrespect, nagging, cheating, and boredom. Things like toothpaste in the sink, clothing on the floor, and keeping score. Endless arguments about money (not enough or who spent what), sex (not enough or who wants what and how often), and how the two of you communicate (not enough, too much, and badly).

You’ve HAD IT.

I get it.

I get that you’re feeling miserable at the state of your marriage, and that you’re desperate for change. I get that your first impulse is to blame your wife / husband / partner for what they do, don’t do, or should or shouldn’t do. I totally get that you JUST KNOW that things would be SO MUCH BETTER if they would stop / start / change what they’re doing or not doing.

If you’re in HAD IT mode,

you’re what is referred to by Discernment Counselors as the “leaning out” partner. You may be leaning out in thought (I don’t know what else to do except divorce), word (I’m leaving you), and/or deed (I’m outta here, whether to a separate bedroom, a separate residence, or an affair). Your feelings may be in direct opposition to your partner’s, who is typically “leaning in,” as in wanting to work on/save the marriage once they understand that you’ve HAD IT.

Discernment Counseling

What is it?

Discernment Counseling is specifically designed for couples where one is leaning out and the other is leaning in. These couples don’t do well in traditional marriage counseling that is designed to solve problems in the marriage.

The Purpose

Discernment Counseling doesn’t solve marital problems, it discerns whether the problems CAN be solved. Sessions involve separate conversations with each spouse/partner, as well as time as a couple.

Discernment Counseling is Short-term,

Usually 1-5 sessions.

It leads to a decision whether to divorce, to maintain the status quo, or to give the marriage a major last effort via a clear and agreed upon agenda for change. It’s perfect for couples who are unsure about divorce, who want to take one more look at their relationship before making a permanent decision, and who want to give the marriage another chance even if their spouse/partner is moving toward divorce.

Kathy Miller, Certified Discernment Counselor

Having trouble deciding what to do about your marriage?

Let me help you discern



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“Discernment is the ability to see things for what they REALLY are and not for what you WANT them to be.”