Forgiveness Challenge: Day 19

Day 19: We All Have a Part.

A difficult but critical piece of renewing relationships is accepting responsibility for our part in any conflict. A relationship in trouble usually points to mutual transgressions and failings. Our relationships exist because of our beliefs, choices, and behaviors in relation to others.

Even when we truly did nothing to cause harm, we exist in a wider world of harm-doing. We all participate in societies that create perpetrators. The Tutus explain that accepting responsibility for our part in any harm does not mean that we accept blame or responsibility for what was done to us. Rather, accepting responsibility for our part frees us from victimhood and allows us to open our hearts to forgiveness.

We are reminded again that The Fourfold Path takes time to walk completely. We must commit to however long it takes, however many times we walk, and for each and every harm that requires forgiveness to heal.

After listening to a meditation on releasing or renewing, our exercise was to review the list we created on Day 3 of all who harmed us and to honestly reflect about our part in each occurrence of harm, if any. We were also invited to review the list we created on Day 3 of those we have harmed, and whether we wish to renew or release those relationships.

This was a difficult exercise that took me several days to process. What I learned is that my part in the relationships where I’ve felt harmed involve my own anger, fear, distrust, and silence. I also learned that I wish to renew all but one of these relationships.

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