Forgiveness Challenge: Day 18

Day 18: A Piece of Our Heart.

Continuing with our choice to renew or release the relationship with the person who harmed us, we learned that our choice is not to be taken lightly. The Tutus explained that renewing should not be understood as restoring, as the harm done and the suffering experienced has made it impossible to return to the relationship as it was before the harm was done. Renewing should be understood as creating a new relationship informed by the hurt and suffering, one that may be the stronger as a result of the shared experience.

The Tutus reminded us that renewing is not always possible. The person may choose to harm us further, or the person may be dead, or we may not know who harmed us. If we choose to release the relationship, we must remember that forgiveness means that we release our victimhod with it. We choose to release the relationship without ill-wishing the person who harmed us.

Mpho read a poem called “We Cannot Begin Again,” the message of which was the recognition of the relationship that exists between me and the person who harmed me. The reality is that I am a person who has the potential to hurt the person who harmed me, too.

Our exercise was to explore and write about our fears around renewing or releasing, and our hopes for each. My fears include rejection, refusal to recognize the hurt done, and having to accept that there is no relationship to renew. My hopes include the creation of a new relationship, the possibility of it being more consciously loving, and the release of worry around not trying hard enough to renew the relationship.

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